For many young men, approaching a lady is not an easy task. There’s the fear of rejection, of looking foolish, of not knowing exactly what to say, fear of what others will say, and so on. In addition there are all the fantasies that Hollywood, television, and social media present to us about what falling in love should be like. Indeed, it is something to be nervous about. I’ve talked about it with some people and friends, both male and female, and there seems to be a consensus about how relationships have radically changed lately. There are new codes that include things as crazy like saying that the ladies must be ready to listen, that the man must use particular courtship phrases, that there must be explicit references to one’s body and sexual desire. Just turn on the radio and you’ll know what I mean, music is just one good example of what’s going on nowadays.
It is important to note that we, men and women, expect an authentic love. Unfortunately, much of what’s going on now in society pushes us to the opposite of this reality. As a consequence, relationships are more and more difficult and brief. And why wouldn’t they be when we don’t even take the time to truly get to know each other, and yet we venture to start a relationship without any hopes or thoughts for the future. What else could we expect?
Before trying to win over the heart of the first girl you find, ask yourself first, “What do I expect from that relationship?” Be brave and move to the side, girls are not mere collectible objects. But if your interest is genuine, go ahead and get to know her. Here are some tips that will help you to know her and get her attention 😉
When you like a girl, don’t hurry to find an answer to all the questions and feelings that go through your head. Wait patiently for the answers that only time can bring. Relationships are slowly forged just like the metal; if you hurry and hammer the wrong spot, you could end up destroying something very beautiful.
There’s nothing more beautiful than a surprise produced by an unexpected discovery. Try to find out the things she likes. With this I don’t mean you should know what her favorite episodes of the latest TV series are, or that you should know everything about Hollywood’s trendiest actor. Look beyond that. Find out what she truly loves and what her interests are. That will show her that your interest in her is real.
For example, if you discover she likes to paint, encourage her to continue learning about art. Take her to a museum, get her a drawing book, a new set of paint brushes, or simply paint with her.
Most of the time, compliments are related to the person’s physical appearance. If the girl has beautiful eyes, is more than likely that she has been told many times how beautiful her eyes are. Be creative! Compliment her in such a way you don’t refer to her physical appearance but to what she actually is, what she does, and makes her special in your eyes.
If you want to have a good relationship with a girl, make sure you have a good relationship with those around her. Through them, you will not only get to know her better, but you will also show that your relationship is not something fleeting and that you are there to stay.
Take care of your appearance, carry her books, open the car door, help her assemble things. Not because you think she can’t do it, but to let her know that you are there to serve her and take care of her whether she needs it or not.
A good sense of humor frees us, it allows us to express ourselves with authenticity and joy, it helps us go through the bad times and make them better. Look for a girl that laughs with you, and if she doesn’t know how to do it, teach her how to laugh.
Us girls like to talk. There’s nothing more boring than talking to a person who doesn’t have an opinion of his own, or who doesn’t have anything interesting to say. Study, educate and cultivate yourself. Try. Engage your girl in interesting conversations and points of view that incite her admiration and, at the same time, enrich her inner self.
There’s nothing more unpleasant than talking with someone who, besides not keeping eye contact, seems to be paying more attention to his phone than you. I personally hate it. It’s as if you’re there and at the same time you’re not. If you enjoy a girl’s company, show it. Pay attention to her, and put your phone away were it won’t disturb you.
By posting overacted pictures on your social media profile, pretending to be a ladies’ man, you’ll only manage to stay single. No one wants to go out with a fake selfie-boy, so be authentic.
If you are one of those guys that follow your girl’s every single move on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat, giving “likes” to each and everyone of her posts, stop! contrary to what you might think, you’ll make her think you are a stalker, or even worse, someone who doesn’t have anything better to do. Girls want a stable man, not a needy guy.
You don’t have any right whatsoever over a girl’s body. Respect her; she does not belong to you. Treat your lady as you would like people to treat your future wife. No matter how much you like her, you won’t find a better way of showing your love and interest than by respecting her.
As Thomas Merton used to say, “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Let the girl you like feel the confidence to show you her inner world, and know that you listen to her, whether she shares with you something of little importance or a profound thought.
Before starting to date a girl, first you have to be her friend. Why would extend your heart (or tempt hers) on someone you’re not even sure you like most of the time? Be her friend first, her best friend, the one who knows her the best and she trusts the most. This is the best foundation for a relationship.
Pray to God for her! That’s right, you may like a girl and do everything in your hands to get her attention. But is this the girl God created for you? Don’t simply long to get married as if marriage was a static moment in life. Yearn for the person you will marry, with whom you will create a unique bond for life, with whom you will walk and will grow in love. This is why it’s important to ask God to show you the way, always.
This post was translated into English by Lorena Tabares. You may find the original article on the Catholic-Link Spanish page, here.
This coming Saturday, we will be hosting a webinar with the authors of Dating Detox: 40 Days of Perfecting Love in an Imperfect World, Kevin and Lisa Cotter. The Cotters are going to discuss the four greatest toxic beliefs that are preventing young adults from gaining the freedom to love and be loved. They have worked with college students for over a decade as a missionary family with FOCUS (the Fellowship of Catholic University Students) and their insight will help you grasp some of the crucial concepts that will be important for you to understand as your own children begin to date.
The live webinar takes place Saturday, March 11, 2017 (9 AM in Los Angeles, 12 PM (Noon) in New York, 1 AM on the 12th in the Philippines), but if you are unable to attend at that time we can email you a link with the recording of the conference.
If you would like to participate, all you have to do is make a voluntary donation to Catholic-Link. Immediately afterward, you will receive detailed information explaining how to access the platform that will host our workshop. Any donation amount is acceptable! This money will go to covering the costs of our websites and to maintaining our evangelization projects.
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