Crystalina Evert, learning from past experiences and mistakes, offers her “dump him list,” a list of more than a dozen signs that it’s time to let go of the relationship. If you hope to find lasting love, then it’s time to stop ignoring the red flags.
Who is Crystalina Evert?
Crystalina Evert is the founder of Women Made New and the author of various books that speak of the virtue of chastity and God’s plan for human sexuality. She has spoken domestically and internationally to hundreds of thousands of teenagers about the virtue of chastity and God’s plan for human sexuality.
She is a frequent guest on radio programs throughout the country, and her television appearances include MSNBC, the BBC, Donahue, WGN-TV news, and EWTN. She and her husband Jason have hosted a pair of TV series for teens on EWTN: “The Pure Life” and “Theology of the Body for Teens.”
They also run an excellent website called Chastity.com, which offers resources to strengthen the virtue of chastity amongst the youth. Lastly, if you would like to hear a bit more of Crystalina’s testimony, you can find it here.
The Dump Him List by Chrystalina Evert
- You have to tell him more than once to stop.
- You feel the need to “fix” him.
- He looks at pornography.
- He hits you, pushes you, or does anything to frighten you.
- He gets drunk or takes drugs.
- He doesn’t care if you lie to your family.
- He leads you away from God.
- He puts you down and acts like he’s kidding.
- He cheats on you and flirts with other girls.
- He uses guilt to get you to do what he wants.
- He resents the time you spend with your friends and family.
- He’s not accountable for his actions.
- The relationship is holding you back from who you need to become and is dictating who you are.
- He behaves badly and blames it on other people or things.
- He can’t stand on his own two feet without you.
- You can’t remain in the relationship and stay pure.
Approaching the subject from a bit more positive angle (than the video’s), I would like to leave you a part of a beautiful speech that Pope Benedict XVI gave to the young couple in Ancona, Italy in 2011. There, Pope Benedict speaks about authentic courtship and its respective stages.
“As engaged couples, you find yourselves living a unique season that opens you to the wonder of the encounter and enables you to discover the beauty of existence and of being precious to someone, of being able to say to each other: you are important to me. Live this journey intensely, gradually and truthfully. Do not give up following a high ideal of love, a reflection and testimony of God’s love! But how should you live this stage of your life and bear witness to love in the community? I would like to tell you first of all to avoid shutting yourselves into intimist, falsely reassuring relationships; rather, endeavour to make your relationship become a leaven of active and responsible presence in the community.
Then do not forget that if it is to be genuine, love too requires a process of maturation: from the initial attraction and from that “feeling good” with the other, learn to “love” the other and “to want the best” for the other. Love lives by giving freely, by self-sacrifice, by forgiveness and by respect for the other.
Dear friends, all human love is a sign of the eternal Love that created us and whose grace sanctifies the decision made by a man and a woman to give each other reciprocal life in marriage. Live the period of your engagement in the trusting expectation of this gift, which should be received while following a path of knowledge, respect and care, which you should never lose: only on this condition will the language of love remain significant, despite the passage of time. Consequently educate yourselves from this moment in the freedom of fidelity that leads you to look after each other, to the point of living for each other.
Prepare yourselves to choose with conviction the “for ever” which connotes love; indissolubility, before being a condition, is a gift to be desired, asked for and lived out, over and above any other changeable human situation. And do not imagine, in accordance with a widespread idea, that coexistence is a guarantee for the future.
Precipitating matters ends by “missing out” on love, which instead needs to respect timing and to be gradual in its expression; it needs to make room for Christ, who can make human love faithful, happy and indissoluble. The fidelity and continuity of your love for each other will also enable you to be open to life, to be parents: the permanence of your union in the sacrament of Matrimony will allow the children God bestows upon you to grow up trusting in the goodness of life. Fidelity, indissolubility and the transmission of life are the pillars of every family, the true common good, a precious patrimony of society as a whole. From now on found your journey towards marriage on these pillars and witness to this among your peers, too: such a service is precious! Be grateful to those who guide you in your formation with commitment, competence and availability: they are a sign of the Christian community’s attention and care for you. You are not alone: be the first to seek and welcome the Church’s company!
I would like to go back over an essential point: the experience of love contains the quest for God. True love promises the Infinite! Therefore make this period of your preparation for marriage an itinerary of faith: rediscover for your life as a couple the centrality of Jesus Christ and of walking with the Church.
Mary teaches us that the good of each one depends on listening with docility to her Son’s words. In those who trust in him, the water of everyday life is changed into the wine of love that makes life good, beautiful and fruitful. Indeed, Cana is the announcement and anticipation of the gift of the new wine of the Eucharist, the sacrifice and banquet in which the Lord comes to us and renews and transforms us. And do not underestimate the vital importance of this meeting: may the Sunday liturgical assembly find you fully participating: the Christian meaning of existence and a new way of life flows from the Eucharist. (cf. Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation Sacramentum Caritatis, nn. 72-73).
You will then have no fear in assuming the demanding responsibility of deciding to marry; you will not fear to enter into this “great mystery” in which “two shall become one” (cf. Eph 5:31-32).”
Pope Benedict XVI