As a Catholic Family Trust Attorney in California, I see firsthand how families navigate life’s major transitions. For aging parents, their later years can be filled with joy, reflection, and deep faith, but they can also bring changes, challenges, and a longing for connection.

Some of us share our parents’ deep faith and practice it alongside them. Others have taken a different path but still want to love and support them in ways that bring them peace. Regardless of where we personally stand, we all have the opportunity to honor our parents and strengthen our family bonds.

Here are ten ways to love your aging Catholic parents:

1. Visit as Often as You Can

Our lives are busy with careers, kids, and responsibilities, while our parents’ lives have slowed down. They may not say it outright, but they miss us. A visit—especially when it’s not tied to an errand or doctor’s appointment—reminds them they are loved and valued. I know one son who schedules a standing visit so his parents have something to look forward to each week. When distance is a factor, a heartfelt call can mean just as much.

2. Respect Their Independence

Aging shouldn’t mean automatically losing autonomy. I recently “suggested” to my Nana not to go up and down her stairs without us there when she playfully clapped back, “Laura, you might be the boss at your work, but no one tells me what to do in my home.” Many aging parents still take pride in making their own decisions and are doing a great job! We should offer support but let them lead whenever possible. The experts tell us that instead of saying, “You shouldn’t do that anymore,” we can instead ask, “How can I help you keep doing what you love safely?”

3. Share in Their Faith, Even If You Walk a Different Path

If you practice Catholicism, you can share in your parents’ faith life—attend Mass together, pray the rosary, join a bible study, or talk about how faith is impacting your lives.

If you don’t practice, you can still honor what brings your parents’ peace. It’s touching to see how many adult children still choose to support their parents’ faith by arranging for them to attend church, listening without judgment when they share their faith, or simply asking about what they are praying for. That is a special kind of sacrificial love that means the world to an aging parent with faith. We should also keep an open heart to the possibility of passing down our family’s faith to our own children if we currently feel distant from the Church.

4. Help Them Receive the Sacraments

For many aging Catholics, the Eucharist, Reconciliation, and Anointing of the Sick are more than deeply important sacraments.  These Sacraments are often the lifelines that sustain them when they are sick, lonely, or burdened. It’s important to make sure they have access. We should offer to help our aging parents to receive these sacraments by taking them to Mass or arranging for a Eucharistic minister or a priest to visit them if they are homebound or hospitalized.

5. Give Them a Sense of Purpose

I hear all the time that one of the hardest parts of aging is feeling like you’re no longer needed. We need to give our aging parents opportunities to contribute in a way that makes sense for them. Do they have a special recipe they could teach one of the grandkids?  Can they make something special for a child’s First Communion? I know one retired linguistics professor who still uses his expertise by serving as a lector at our parish. A sense of purpose can keep our aging parents healthy and thriving, plus they are a wealth of knowledge!

6. Practice Patience and Kindness

“My child, take care of your father when he is old… Even if his mind fails, be considerate of him… Kindness to a father will not be forgotten.” (Sirach 3:12-14, USCCB)

It’s natural as we age to become a little more set in our ways, a little more forgetful, and even a little more “blunt” should we say. While we should always ensure our own personal dignity and set appropriate boundaries, we should error on the side of grace and forgiveness, rather than getting frustrated or upset. Praying for and about our aging parents can often ease tension and help us better understand where they are coming from. 

7. Keep Them Connected to Loved Ones

Many aging parents struggle with loneliness, especially if they’ve lost a spouse. We need to help them stay in touch with lifelong friends, parish communities, and extended family so they know they are seen, loved, and heard. Help facilitate visits, set up calls, or learn Facetime so they can stay connected more easily. I’ve personally watched my own mom deliver cookies to my Nana’s neighbors on special occasions on her behalf to help keep connections alive. Neighbors have kindly reciprocated which helps my Nana feel included.

8. Set Them Up for Success

Every aging parent needs an updated estate plan to ensure their loved ones can help them manage their financial and medical decisions if needed and to pass down their assets without the family having to go through court.

Without this vital legal planning, parents may not be able to get the help they need, and that’s difficult for all involved. We can encourage them to get their affairs in order by focusing not on the money, but rather on the desire to ensure they are taken care of and that family harmony is preserved.

9. Help Them Pass Down Their Values

There is so much more to life and one’s estate than just money. Our parents are a wealth of knowledge, and their memories, values, and wisdom deserve to be preserved. We should help them record a legacy interview so they can talk on audio or video about what matters most. My grandmother took time to journal many of her thoughts before she passed away, including a special message to us grandchildren. Her words of encouragement that she took time to preserve have meant so much to me even long after she has been gone.

10. Be a Good Person

Remember how proud our parents were when we scored a goal or aced a test? As they age, their deepest pride isn’t in what we do—it’s in who we are.

There is no greater joy or peace than knowing you’ve raised a kind, honest, and loving soul. While none of us are perfect, we can honor our parents’ efforts and legacy by striving to live a good and virtuous life. And we should do all we can to avoid family discord with our siblings and if possible, choose to strengthen these relationships however we can for the sake of the family legacy.

Final Thoughts On Caring For Aging Parents

Loving our aging parents isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, grace, and honoring who they are. When you love and serve your parents, even when their ways are not necessarily your ways, you are not just helping them write the final, beautiful chapter of their legacy—you are also shaping your own.

Because one day, when you are in your final golden years, your own children will know how to love their aging parent because they learned that from you.

For more detailed guidance on helping your aging Catholic parent secure their legacy, you can explore resources like my book Guided by Grace: A Catholic Journey Through Wills, Trusts, and Estate Planning. Visit guidedbygrace.com for additional support.

Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash