It had been long enough, so I finally decided to visit my doctor. Random muscle spasms, pain, and fatigue had plagued me for nearly a year, and I had to figure out why…and hopefully fix it.
Various AI and internet sources provided some insights, but they couldn’t perform the blood tests I thought were necessary to diagnose the cause.
Without the tests, my doctor was unable to identify the cause, either. He had his suspicions, but the results I received a few days later proved him wrong, too.
And they certainly didn’t validate my “AI doctors.”
As I scrolled down the list of blood test results, every result but one was within the normal range. But the one that was off was way below normal.
My ferritin level, which I’d never heard of before, was 8 ng/mL. The number alone meant nothing, but in the context of the normal range, it was a bit startling.
Normal was 38 ng/mL to 380 ng/mL, so my ferritin level was markedly low. I hopped on my phone to research what that meant.
Apparently, ferritin is a protein inside cells that stores and releases iron. Low levels indicate iron deficiency, which can cause all the symptoms I was experiencing!
Without an adequate supply of iron, my body was — and still is — unable to function the way it was designed.
A God Deficiency
Although I didn’t realize I was short on iron, I frequently recognize that I’m short on God.
I often try to do things on my own, saying and doing things to meet my desires. And my desires often don’t jibe with what God wants for me and my life.
As a child, I anticipated Christmas time, as most children do. I loved the decorations, lights, and music. I tuned in to watch Linus recite the Christmas story and to see the Grinch fail to steal Christmas from the Whos. Christmas was, by far, my favorite time of year.
But even with all the pageantry leading up to the big day, I still felt empty…and I believed there was only one thing that would fill that hole in my soul. Presents!
I was right — sort of. While tearing open the gifts, assembling them, plugging them in, and playing with them, I did experience joy. But by the end of my Christmas break, the hole reopened.
As I reflect back on those Christmas seasons, I realize now that the only times I truly experienced joy were at my church, particularly on Christmas Eve. Illuminated only by candles, we sang Christmas carols and reflected on the peace that Jesus brought to our lives.
Gifts or colored lights cannot fill the hole in our hearts that only God can fill. And when we attempt to fill ourselves with other things, we’ll always end up empty.
We Still Try Without Him
The Israelites did exactly this. After God rescued them from Egyptian slavery and escorted them to the Holy Land, they forgot all He had given them. They tried to live without Him at the center of their lives. They thought they could fill the inner void on their own.
Then the prophet Jeremiah proclaimed God’s message to the Israelites:
“Two evils my people have done: They have forsaken me, the source of living waters; They have dug themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” (Jeremiah 2:13)
Cisterns were large underground containers that held water. If they cracked, the water they contained would seep out.
The Israelites’ hearts were like cracked cisterns. Although God freely offered them His living water, their hearts wouldn’t hold it. Instead of pursuing and holding onto Him, they allowed God’s presence in their lives to leak out. And they didn’t care.
They turned to idols and earthly ambitions to fill their hearts, and they were always left empty.
This sounds a lot like much of my life. What about yours?
Have you turned to alcohol, money, power, or sex to try to fill the gaping hole in your heart? Do you ever think that you don’t really need God in your life…that you’re doing just fine on your own?
Sometimes It Takes Rock Bottom
Often, it’s the times we’re most content that the biggest obstacles come crashing into our lives.
My father was content until he suffered a stroke while on a fishing trip.
My sister-in-law was content until a drunk driver plowed into her car.
I was content until I lost my job as part of a mass layoff.
Pope Leo reminds us that rock bottom is sometimes the place from which God most fills our lives.
“If at times we seem to have hit rock bottom, let us remember that is the place from which God is able to begin a new creation.”
When we’re at the bottom, we often feel empty. We don’t have the health, money, family, or friends that we need to keep going. We don’t have the strength to continue.
It’s when we’re at our lowest that God shows us we can’t live without him.
Refilling
My hematologist recently prescribed and administered an iron infusion. During this procedure, he directly injected iron into my bloodstream. He knew that, without filling that emptiness in my body, I wouldn’t be able to get back to normal.
He was right. Two weeks later, and the overwhelming fatigue is finally lifting. Hopefully, the rest of the symptoms aren’t far behind.
When we’re lacking God in our lives, I suggest asking Him to infuse Himself into our lives.
Pray to Him. Ask Him to fill your life with His Spirit. Trust that He, the ultimate physician, will make you whole.
Only with God guiding you and dwelling within you will you fully be able to function the way He designed you.
Some Of Our Favorite Catholic Books
Finding Freedom in Christ: Healing Life’s Hurts
Jesus and You, Woman: Ignatian Retreat for Women under the guidance of Edith Stein
The Catholic Table: Finding Joy Where Food and Faith Meet
The Second Greatest Story Ever Told: Now Is the Time of Mercy
Be Healed: A Guide to Encountering the Powerful Love of Jesus in Your Life
Be Healed: A Guide to Encountering the Powerful Love of Jesus in Your Life
Image: Photo by Mehrpouya H on Unsplash
