When I was 15, I experienced my first “chastity” talk one night at youth group. A local organization called the Theology of the Body Evangelization Team came to our parish and gave a series of talks about the subject.
It was the first time in my life I had ever heard the word “chastity,” and prior to this night I was pretty lukewarm when it came to convictions and decisions regarding sex. I was single as a Pringle, so it’s not like I was doing anything in this regard, but since starting high school, I would say that I wasn’t totally against the idea of sex before marriage, nor was I clear at all on how to answer the question of “how far was too far.”
Growing up in a non-practicing Catholic home, I was told that sex was only for marriage and taught the importance of the nuclear family (married mom & dad + kids). I largely believed this. However, as a sophomore in high school, this vision for marriage and family seemed far away and beyond the love landscape at my public high school.
It was hard to believe in the ideals and truths preached to me when I had no other reference for a true and noble love. I remember walking down the halls of my high school and seeing so many of my fellow peers holding hands, making out, and embracing between classes, and feeling as if having sex before marriage was inevitable. I can remember vividly talking about the subject with some friends at lunch, saying, “It’s not like I want to, but it’s like one of those things you have to do when you become an adult and you want to find someone.”
Don’t get me wrong, I definitely dreamed of the flawless first kiss described in Taylor Swift songs, as well as being pursued by a genuinely good (and let’s be honest, good-looking) guy. What I wanted more than anything at 15 was to be seen, known, and loved. In the midst of so many uncertainties about the future: What college would I go to? What career path would I end up on? Who would I be in the years to come? I wanted to be certain that I was loved and cared for in the process of figuring it all out.
That Chastity Night Made Me Want To Commit
In the face of my current reality, I never thought chastity was really a possibility and just accepted that I would find a less ideal, but not bad, guy. That was until that chastity night at my parish. It was the first time I heard a young adult, and specifically a young adult male, declare before the whole world that he was saving sex for marriage. Despite having a checkered past, and even struggling with purity in his teens, the young man shared that after meeting Jesus he decided to embrace purity and save himself for his future wife. After years of waiting and praying, in the end he found his wife, a God-fearing woman who had also committed to saving sex for marriage.
A couple of other young adults were present as well and gave similar stories, and after that night I found many other witnesses of people living out chastity on YouTube. What that night did for me was give me another vision beyond what I could easily see on the surface at my high school.
That night, I decided that I too wanted to be like the adults who gave testimony from TOBET and committed to saving myself for marriage. In the end, that commitment lasted 13 years, and though I am married now, my spouse and I still practice chastity to this day because this virtue is not simply abstaining from sex. Chastity is the virtue of integrity, aligning our body, heart, and soul with God’s design, seeking at all times to give the appropriate gift of ourselves to another. In another article, I’ll share more about this time of waiting and what I personally benefited from by practicing chastity, but the point I want to highlight as I bring this article to a close is more related to the kind of environment we are in as we seek to lead lives of virtue.
It Is Attainable
As I shared, I found myself no longer believing in chastity and giving up on the idea of true love, not because I didn’t believe in those things, but because the culture around me slowly convinced my heart that the truths I believed in were unattainable. This is the true definition of hopelessness: perceiving that what we want and desire is not possible. Though as Christians we know that in Christ “all things are possible,” sometimes it can be hard to believe that is true when we cannot see it being expressed on this side of Heaven.
To all my young friends, especially those who desire true love and marriage, I encourage you to look at the environment you are in. Who are the people you are surrounding yourself with?
Where are you looking for entertainment and inspiration?
How are you spending your time?
Ask yourself: Are the people around me, the voices speaking into my life, and the examples before my eyes filling me with truths that are in line with God’s truth?
After going to the chastity talk at church, my conclusion to those questions was no. The current group of friends I had, the ways I liked to spend my time, and the voices I let speak into my life weren’t preaching a message of authentic love and truth. This led me on an ongoing process, one that I still carry out today in my adult life, of trying to root out the influences in my life that don’t lead me closer to Jesus and instead surround myself with influences that help me pursue a virtuous life.
If you are someone who seriously wants to follow Jesus and live a virtuous, chaste life, I pray that you have the courage and wisdom to make this discernment. As someone who has walked this road before you, I can tell you it’s a lot easier to practice chastity when you are surrounded by others who want to do so too. In addition to Christ accompanying you every step of the way, find role models you can look to for inspiration, mentors who can give you counsel, and friends who will encourage you when you’re ready to give up.
Chastity, and all the virtues for that matter, is possible, and the reward that awaits you on the other side of choosing to live it out is greater than any empty promise the world tries to convince you of. Surround yourself with people and fill yourself with things that won’t let you forget it.
More Catholic Resources On Purity
How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul
Emotional Virtue: A Guide to Drama-Free Relationships
Theology of Her Body, Revised Edition/Theology of His Body, Revised Edition (2 Books, 1 Volume)
Dating Detox: 40 Days of Perfecting Love in an Imperfect World
Image: https://unsplash.com/photos/a-couple-of-people-standing-next-to-each-other-on-a-beach-Tg4TCl1eLgA
