Marriage is a sacred journey that doesn’t end at the altar—it’s just beginning. As my wife and I approach our wedding anniversary, I’ve realized that maintaining the “dating mindset” is crucial for nurturing a healthy Catholic marriage. Just as a garden requires constant tending, our marital relationships need regular cultivation through intentional time together.
The Spiritual Foundation
The Catechism teaches us that marriage is a covenant in which spouses are “called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving” (CCC #1644). This growth doesn’t happen automatically— it requires deliberate effort, much like the early stages of dating when we were getting to know each other.
I remember those first encounters at “The Big Table” in our college cafeteria, where my wife’s infectious laughter caught my attention. That period was filled with discovery, anticipation, and intentional time together. Why should this spirit of discovery end with marriage? It becomes even more vital after the wedding day.
Beyond Netflix and Takeout
Dating your spouse isn’t just about watching movies together or ordering takeout (though these can be wonderful shared moments). It’s about creating sacred spaces in our busy lives truly to see and hear each other. When my wife and I prioritize meaningful date nights, we’re not just spending time together— we’re investing in our sacramental bond.
These dates become opportunities to practice what St. John Chrysostom described: “When a husband and wife are united in marriage, they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God himself.” Each date is a chance to reflect that divine love in our ordinary moments together.
Growth Through Adversity
Life inevitably brings challenges. My wife and I faced our share of trials, including heart-wrenching miscarriages in November 2014 and again in December 2017. During these difficult times, maintaining our dating routine became a lifeline. It provided a space to process our grief together, share our struggles, and remember why we chose each other in the first place.
Like throwing a boomerang in prayer, the time we invest in dating comes back in unexpected ways. It builds resilience for tough times and deepens our appreciation for life’s joyful moments.
How To Date Your Spouse
- Schedule Sacred Time: Put date nights on your calendar and treat them as important as any other commitment. Whether weekly or monthly, consistency matters more than frequency.
- Embrace Novelty: Try new activities together. Visit a new church, take a cooking class, or go on a pilgrimage. New experiences create shared memories and foster growth.
- Practice Intentional Conversation: Move beyond discussing schedules and children. Share your dreams, fears, and spiritual journey. Ask questions as if you’re still getting to know each other—because you are.
- Include God: Make prayer part of your dates. Visit the Blessed Sacrament together, pray the rosary while walking, or simply thank God for each other’s presence in your lives.
The Fruits of Dating Your Spouse
Regular dating cultivates essential virtues in marriage: patience, kindness, and gratitude. It helps us maintain unity in diversity, making marriage beautiful. When we date our spouses, we’re reminded that they’re not just co-parents or roommates— they’re God’s precious gift to us.
As my grandparents’ 67-year marriage demonstrates, lasting love requires constant nurturing. Their endurance wasn’t just about staying together; it was about growing together through intentional time shared over decades.
Summing Up
Dating your spouse isn’t just about romance—it’s about actively participating in God’s plan for marriage. It’s a practical way to live out our wedding vows and continue growing in holiness together. In a world that often treats marriage as disposable, regular dating becomes a countercultural act of faith and commitment.
Remember that marriage is not a right but a gift from God. By continuing to date our spouses, we honor this gift and allow it to bear fruit in our lives and society. Investing time in our marriages through intentional dating creates stronger families, healthier communities, and a more vibrant Church.
Let’s commit to dating our spouses not just when it’s convenient, but especially when life gets challenging. After all, it’s often in these dedicated moments together that we most clearly see the face of God in our beloved.
Image: Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
