The work our priests perform in “shepherding the flock” is extensive and often taken for granted. The vocation extends far beyond Sunday and daily Mass, weddings, baptisms, spiritual direction, funerals, and myriad blessings, among other things. The church we visit each week, or perhaps only occasionally, has many facets within its ecosystem. Buildings and grounds, various ministries, community outreach, and more. These all fall under the direction of priests in conjunction with the assistance of lay staff and volunteers.
The work can be grueling at times and requires the priest to wear many hats and switch gears randomly, often without notice. How about a long day punctuated by a frantic call at 2 o’clock in the morning from the family of a distressed parishioner in immediate need of last rites (in-person)? Or a random stop by the rectory during dinner time by a mother with her son, who is enduring a battle with drugs and in desperate need of a faith-filled shoulder to lean on? How about having to absorb negative press and related questions due to diocesan bankruptcies and the media attention given to victims of sexual abuse, a spotlight that frequently paints the vocation with an ominous brush?
In these challenging times for Catholic clergy, it seems priests—the 98 percent of good, dedicated, God-loving men—are sadly overlooked, ignored, or taken for granted. They enter the priesthood via a calling from the Holy Spirit and don’t do so for accolades or public recognition. But they are human after all, and while many would be extremely reluctant to say so, it sure wouldn’t hurt to “feel the love”, from time to time.
With that in mind, here are five ways you can show your priest how much he is appreciated, all with a personal touch.
5 Things You Can Do To Show Your Priest You Appreciate Him
1) “Good Homily, Father”
Priests often hear that polite salutation after Mass when they greet exiting parishioners. It’s certainly welcomed, but it would mean more if it included a specific reference from the very homily that stirred the soul of the parishioner. One pastor on Long Island suggested that when a parishioner offers a specific comment taken from a homily, as opposed to a simple ‘nice job’, he can process the feedback and keep it in mind when evaluating what really touches a nerve and what doesn’t. A ‘specific’ often has a domino effect in that it helps in conversation, spiritual direction, and future homilies. When a homily hits home, nothing makes them feel better than knowing a particular takeaway that comes attached to “good homily, Father.”
2) “Have A Great Vacation, Father”
Being a priest is a 24/7 calling. There truly are few off days because the needs of a parish are never-ending and not confined to a work week’s conventional business hours. When a priest does get his vacation time—and that’s not always a given, either—it’s one of the rare brief stretches he gets to decompress, visit family/friends, reset, and return refreshed.
Acknowledge him before he departs for his getaway. Some folks send a card, others call and pass along the good wishes live. Nothing wrong with putting a little cash/gift card in an envelope with a note to enjoy the time off, or perhaps a gift certificate to a nearby restaurant if you know where he’s vacationing. Send Father off on vacation with a smile, with confidence that he’s appreciated and will be missed.
3) “Please Join Us for Dinner, Father”
Too many priests eat alone. And might prefer otherwise. They have to plan their meals in isolation. Order takeout. Sometimes, count on the preparation of a meal from a kind parishioner. But ultimately, companionship and conversation in person are appreciated.
A priest in the Northeast, when invited to a dinner at the house of a parishioner, shared that it can get a bit lonely eating by himself night after night, especially during today’s times when a rectory can be isolating. With the current priest shortage, unlike years past when most parishes had two, three, or four priests under the same roof, it can be tough when there’s no one around to socialize with over dinner. Parishioners who invite priests for dinner make them feel like family and often enjoy the dynamic of conversation with a household of husband/wife/kids.
Being in the presence of parishioners—and feeling like family in the process—goes a long way toward a priest embracing connection with his parish community.
4) “Take (Father) Out to the Ball Game!”
Get to know the personal interests/hobbies of a priest and you might be surprised to learn many are sports fanatics, with a chunk of their R&R spent watching baseball, football, hockey, and college athletics. Such interests were probably stirred long before entering seminary and continue to remain vibrant. So a good way to show appreciation might be to buy an extra ticket next time you visit the ballpark or arena of your favorite team. Invite Father to join in the atmosphere. Or have him over the house to enjoy viewing a big game or event.
One parishioner in Connecticut finds it engaging to ‘trash talk’ sports with his pastor, a man who roots for a Major League Baseball arch-rival. That fan-based rivalry helped develop a relationship that’s more than a decade old!
5) “Give Father a ’Nod to the Collar’”
Visit nodtothecollar.com, a new website that enables personalized posting of ’Nods to priests who make a difference in the spiritual journeys of Catholics. The content can be submitted in one of four ways: written, video, audio, and illustration/art. It’s a warm and easy way of letting any priest who has a profound impact on your faith know that his work for Jesus doesn’t go unnoticed.
One family in New York years ago was blessed by a priest who visited the hospital after their young daughter had given unexpected birth as an unwed mother to a premature baby. He then performed the baptism six weeks later. Shortly thereafter, that priest was transferred, and the family lost contact. When the ‘Nod to the Collar’ platform was launched, the mother of the child–now 13 years old–placed a ‘Nod on the site thanking the priest for “being there” during her and her family’s time of need. The ‘Nod subsequently re-connected the mother and her family with that priest, and all these years later, he knows his efforts truly made a difference in the spiritual lives of that particular family.
The (Not-for-Profit) nodtothecollar.com site accepts only positive ’Nods, is vetted extensively, and has been growing organically through the efforts of a small, volunteer lay staff.
There are many such stories on the site; they’re encouraged and posted for the sole purpose of letting priests realize their works are greatly appreciated. Please consider posting your own ‘Nod!
Finally, always pray for priests and personally let them know you’re doing so. There is nothing more important that a parishioner can do. Ask priests to rank acts of appreciation and more often than not you’ll hear, “to pray for me” as the No. 1 response.
“Bonus Appreciation, (Or Perhaps Really Not!!)”
Here’s a well-intentioned action that sometimes doesn’t work out as planned: Many couples that get married, as a genuine act of kindness, invite priests celebrating the sacrament to their wedding receptions afterward. While the gesture is welcomed, often the priest attends and, because he virtually knows no one other than the bride and groom, spends his time by himself feeling out-of-place and awkward. If you do invite a priest because he presided over your wedding, keep that in mind and let family/friends know to include him in the festivities. After all, he is there to celebrate the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony just like everyone else.
Image: Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash
