The question is, how does one identify his or her vocation? That’s the question of the day, right? Yeah, that’s an excellent question.
First off, a shameless plug: I’ve had so many people ask me this question that I kept repeating the exact same answer over and over again, so I decided to write a book. Now, whenever people ask me this question, I can just hand them the book. You can get the book at any online bookstore or Catholic bookstore; it’s called Discernment Do’s and Don’ts: A Practical Guide to Vocational Discernment by Father George Elliott—me. Check that out for the fullest answer.
The short answer is: Step one, make sure that you’re really striving for holiness. Our fundamental vocation, the vocation at the very root of every baptized person, is to be holy. If we aren’t getting that first vocation right, if we aren’t striving to do that first vocation, God isn’t going to bother telling us that second vocation, which is usually what people refer to as being called to priesthood, religious life, married life, or a consecrated single life. Whatever it may be, first and foremost, pursue holiness.
Second, expose yourself to the different vocations. A funny thing that happens sometimes is someone will say to me, “Oh, Father, I’m pretty sure I’m called to marriage, but nothing’s happened.” I’ll ask them, “Have you gone on any dates? Do you hang out with people of the opposite sex? Is any of that happening?” And they’ll just say no. Of course not—if you have no exposure to these possible vocations, then you can’t really discern anything. It all ends up in your head. You need to have practical, concrete experience with these different vocations so that you can begin to see what it’s like and, in a certain sense, try it on. Ask yourself, “Does this fit? Does it seem right? Is this how this works?”
Obviously, that doesn’t mean completely—you don’t need to do things you would do while married if you’re just dating. And if you’re visiting a religious order or working with them, don’t pretend like you’re already religious. But you need that initial experience to see how it feels. Did the first date go well? Does the relationship continue to grow? Or maybe, “I work with these sisters, and whenever I’m around them, I feel so much more alive.” If that’s the case, maybe you should spend more time with them, and if you keep feeling more and more alive, if you keep seeing growth in holiness, then maybe you should spend the rest of your life with them by entering the religious order. Get that practical experience.
The next thing is to make sure you’re talking to somebody. We’re not good at understanding what’s going on within us, and oftentimes, we need to say out loud to someone else what’s happening inside to understand it ourselves. Also, really face what’s happening within us. Even after that, sometimes we need someone to point out certain things, like saying, “You talked about this last time,” or “You did this.” So, finding someone who is also striving for holiness, preferably someone who is already in their vocation and doesn’t have any vested interest in you choosing one vocation over another, is very important. Talk to that person, and check in with them regularly, maybe once a month. Just say, “Hey, I’m still discerning, and this is where I’m at.” That person can often help you sort through what’s going on inside you.
Lastly, and most importantly, the absolute most important litmus test of a vocation is when you take that next step in it. If you go on a first date, and then you start dating, and perhaps within dating, you seriously consider engagement and then get engaged—if, at each step, you see that in the relationship, you’re growing in holiness—that’s a good sign. The same thing applies to a religious order: you visit, you stay with them for a weekend or a week, and if that goes well, you enter postulancy, then novitiate, then simple vows, and finally, you make your final vows. With each of these steps, there’s testing, and if at each step, you recognize that you’re growing in holiness, that actual growth in charity is happening in and through this situation, then that’s a good sign you should take the next step forward.
If you keep taking steps forward, eventually you get to the point of making that final commitment and fully entering into the vocation. If you’re still growing in holiness, take that step—that is the best test for whether or not God is calling you to a vocation.
Discernment Do’s and Dont’s: A Practical Guide to Vocational Discernment
