How you support your priest depends on how well you know your priest.

There are, of course, things priests universally or generally appreciate—like prayers or a mug that says “Don’t make me put you in one of my homilies”—but as lay people, we have a responsibility to genuinely care for our priests. We are all a spiritual family.

Get To Know Your Priest

So, does he have family to visit for the holidays or is he eating alone after serving the parish? Does he have a special diet for health or spiritual ascetics? Allergies? What are his favorite hobbies? Does he need someone to change his oil or fix the roof or make a meal once or twice a week? Would it be helpful even if he doesn’t need it?

Our priests are human. You might be thinking, “Well, duh.” But, seriously, they are humans—with social and spiritual needs, the whole range of emotions no matter how well they hide it or not, and the same image and likeness of God in which we were made. They were called to a special ordination, completely dedicating their lives to the Church (directly helping us), and yet we often forget them.

If all you know is the guy’s name, he may as well be a stranger to you, which is strange to think the same man you call “Father” and brings you the Sacraments would be any less than a good mentor and friend.

There is no Priest Day like Mother’s Day or Teacher Appreciation Day, nor should we need one to remember the priests in our lives.

How To Care For Your Priest

Fellowship. He is a part of the Church community, too. The Knights of Columbus often remember their priests, inviting them to be members and to social events. What about your Lenten small group? What about your men’s movie night small group? What about a rosary group they don’t have to lead?

It’s not crazy to befriend a priest—you are brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s really cool, especially when you find out what you have in common. Think of the Lord of the Rings fellowship—maybe your priest is the Gandalph of the men’s group! You never know what battles you can fight together, each with your own special purpose as called by God.

The parish and town community would greatly improve with men in intentional fellowship with their priests, encouraging each other and growing close to God. You can’t do that if all you do is shake his hand after Mass and duck out to donuts.

Meal Drop-Offs. Ask for his grocery list, like a personal shopper, and buy it for him, if you can. Set up a meal train for him or better yet invite him to dinner.

Cookies around Christmas are great, but think out of the box and try bringing him some ham or fruits or coffee. Vegetables from your own garden are a great gift, too.

Don’t assume that he is fine. I saw priests who looked starved for friendship and a good meal during the pandemic lockdowns. It was like no one had even called them to check on them!

Is your priest skipping meals because he doesn’t have time to eat? Or is too depressed to eat? Or literally just forgets to eat? There’s fasting, and then there’s a neglected priest, who just wants a home cooked meal with a few good friends…  think about that.

If he is sick or having surgery, buy him his favorite meal to eat while his leg is up or make him lots of pudding and Jello because that’s all he can have after his tonsils are out. (Audiobooks would be nice, too, and they don’t have to be explicitly religious in theme either. Priests probably like Tolkien, Lewis, and maybe even Hunger Games.)

Talents and hobbies. Does he belong to an archery club? That’s a distinct possibility. My priest went ax throwing with his Exodus90 group. What about surfing? Get to know him through his hobbies or what you have in common. Or just buy him great watercolors because you remember your conversation with him about how he’d love to learn watercolor, or already does it regularly to meditate, relax, or just flex his God-given talents on the canvas.

If you’re going hiking and he likes hiking, why not be like the Father Brown BBC series and have a group foot-pathing across the countryside (hopefully without the murder mystery part).

Speaking of Father Brown’s BBC series, perhaps your priest really likes that show but gave up subscription services and can’t stream it anymore. You can give it as a gift. Maybe he has no idea about a favorite (and licit) series you like, and you share it with him. Or ask his opinion on it.

Maybe he speaks French. Maybe he needs new guitar strings. Maybe he is The Hillbilly Thomists’ biggest fan. Maybe you have the same favorite book.

Remember him in prayer and invitations. Invite him to birthday parties, barbeques (or cookout depending where you are), men’s nights, baptism celebrations after he baptizes your baby, confirmation parties even though he might be invited to a hundred at a time, and anything else to make sure he knows he is thought of and included.

If you’re related to a priest, remember to invite him to family events, even if he’s normally busy. Make that special effort a normal part of your family culture, and your children and grandchildren will remember their uncle/great uncle priest rather than let him be forgotten and lonely.

Help him get help. Yes, being human, we know not all priests are perfect models of Jesus Christ. Neither are we. The more you get to know your priest, or priests, the more you’ll know their weaknesses, faults, and needs.

We don’t always like being helped with our faults; we like to hide them. But, even if a priest is a person and needs support in dark times.

Maybe he just can’t quite fix the stereo system, but you’re tech savvy. Maybe he needs a handicap railing in part of the church. Maybe he needs a silent retreat that he’s always wanted to go on but obstacles keep getting in his way. Help him get there! Or go with him.

Don’t stalk him, please. No sleuthing must be involved in supporting a priest. I’m also not asking you to be nosey and befriend him with ulterior motives to find his faults and accuse him. I’m asking you to be there for him as a community. Maybe all you do is to send him a birthday card, but maybe you end up with a lifelong friend and go on the El Camino pilgrimage with him.

He’s meant to be there for you, and most often than not, they are like really awesome big brothers waiting to give spiritual direction and enjoyable company at men’s nights, family dinner, or rosary group.

Start supporting your priest now with this prayer, and let it lead you into action:

ST. THERESE’S PRAYER FOR PRIESTS

O Jesus, I pray for your faithful and fervent priests;
for your unfaithful and tepid priests;
for your priests laboring at home or abroad in distant mission fields;
for your tempted priests;
for your lonely and desolate priests;
for your young priests;
for your dying priests;
for the souls of your priests in purgatory.

But above all, I recommend to you the priests dearest to me:
the priest who baptized me;
the priests who absolved me from my sins;
the priests at whose Masses I assisted and who gave me your Body and Blood in Holy Communion;
the priests who taught and instructed me;
all the priests to whom I am indebted in any other way (especially…).

O Jesus, keep them all close to your heart,
and bless them abundantly in time and in eternity.

Amen.

Image: michelgrolet.com Instagram @garnet_photographer