Single Catholic guys, if you feel confused about how to stand out positively to the single Catholic ladies, don’t lose hope! Although surface qualities like preferred height, appealing eye color, and keen musical talent may be attractive (who does not like being serenaded?), most Catholic single ladies place a much stronger emphasis on just a handful of non-negotiable qualities in a guy. Below are five such “non-negotiables” that will set you apart from other guys. These qualities can be learned and developed over time– that is, if you have a determined spirit!
1. A chaste body and soul, inspired by Saint Joseph.
Multitudes of witnesses at Marian apparitions recount that Mary is the most beautiful woman that they have ever seen. Saint Joseph was thus married to quite possibly the most beautiful woman who ever lived, and all the while, he steadfastly protected her virginity! ALL men are similarly called by God to honor and to protect ALL women. A guy is a real keeper if he practices guardianship of his eyes and seeks purity of his heart. This entails looking at, thinking about, and treating women with utmost respect.
Jesus proclaims: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). Guys who are committed to chastity are far and few, so your commitment to chastity will truly make you stand out. When you work hard towards unchaining yourself from sins of un-chastity, such as pornography, Christ will cleanse your body, your eyes, and your heart. Chastity of body and soul will bring you closer to God, a girlfriend, and if you are called to marriage, your future wife! If you are called to religious life or single life, chastity is also necessary to live your vocation in joy and peace.
2. Holiness and a prayerful heart.
Nothing shines brighter in a man than a good character, as virtue shines far more brightly than vices! Saint Paul exhorts: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8). A man whose priorities and principles point towards Heaven is an attractive man indeed. If a man’s mission is to do what is right and to strive towards what is true and beautiful– and his actions consistently demonstrate this mission– then a woman is truly inspired to reach for the heights of holiness herself!
Catholic ladies love seeing Christ at the foundation of a man’s sense of masculinity, for no one is more invincible than Christ! Guys, when you frequent the Sacraments, such as Mass and Confession, and when your prayer life is strong, everything about you speaks genuine strength! If you offer up your ordinary work and daily life as a prayer to God, and commit yourself to serve others, you find yourself “fully alive” in Christ. As Saint Irenaeus stated: “The glory of God is man fully alive.” Nothing is more gloriously attractive than a man who is living out his universal call to holiness at full-throttle. One day, you may meet a lady who wants to join in on that epic quest for holiness with you, together!
3. Responsibility and intentionality.
Circles of girlfriends have proclaimed this time and again: a man with a plan is ever attractive. On the contrary, a man without a mission draws many doubts. Responsibility and intentionality show that a man is confident in who he is, what his meaning and purpose are, and where he is going.
Catholic ladies dream about meeting a man with a solid sense of responsibility that is centered on living out his vocational purpose. Such a man has a general timeline for his life goals and has plans regarding how he will provide for a future family. Genuine confidence in one’s abilities and deep ambition to offer them in service to others is masculine and admirable.
And while dating is fun and adventurous, it need not be purposeless and directionless! Catholic ladies greatly appreciate a man with a sense of responsibility and intention in dating as well! When God continues to give a couple of positive affirmations towards marriage, their dating will naturally progress into deeper levels of commitment, and eventually, plans of engagement and marriage bring peace.
A man shows his commitment through his intentionality, and a woman looks for healthy and positive attitudes about work, marriage, and family life. Indeed, if a man does marry, the emphasis on intentionality remains; for instance, he is called to pursue his wife’s heart through the years!
4. A spirit of mercy, with a dose of good humor!
Relationships come with an ebb and flow of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, good times and bad times. Heated disagreements and deep hurts are inevitable. This is where a spirit of mercy is necessary and vital for a relationship to survive and grow. When a man has the power and the humility to forgive his loved one and others, he shows that the mercy of Christ is enthroned in his heart. His human love has the power to heal!
Yet mercy can be duly difficult to give to a loved one who has hurt you. At such times, a dose of good humor, rooted in humility, is the best medicine. Good humor is the ability to consider oneself and others with a lighthearted spirit. Moreover, good humor is the ability to see, in deep humility, that we are all human, that we all commit terribly human things at times, and that everyone should have a chance at forgiveness.
After all, no one but God is perfect! Good humor catalyzes your spirit of mercy and enables you to look past your grievances and forgive. Such good humor is intensely attractive.
5. A deep love for Mary, the Theotokos.
When Christ hung dying on the Cross, Mary and the “beloved disciple” John stood at His feet. Shortly before taking His last breath, Christ entrusted Mary to John, telling him: “Behold, your mother” (John 19:27). Perhaps Jesus knew that of all of His disciples, His beloved disciple would be the most loving towards His mother, Mary, the “Theotokos,” the very “Mother of God”!
Catholic ladies get excited when they meet Catholic guys who have a deep devotion towards the Blessed Mother— one that mirrors both Jesus’s and Saint John’s love for Mary! Why?
First, how a guy treats his mother is a good illustration of how he will one day treat his wife. Looking to Christ, we see how He has a deep love, beyond human measure, for His Mother and for His Bride, the Church! When a Catholic lady sees just how much a man loves his Mother Mary and his own earthly mother (showing her love, respect, and care), she can’t help but think that this man might love her in such a pure way, too!
Secondly, Mary is the epitome of Christian virtue aside from Christ Himself. After all, Mary is: a daughter of God the Father, the mother of God the Son, and the spouse of God the Holy Spirit! She loves gently, patiently, enduringly, sacrificially. If a man loves Mary, he knows what a truly beautiful woman looks like inside and out.
If he believes that the woman that he is dating possesses Marian virtue and beauty– well, that is one HUGE compliment! Mary also teaches a man that gentleness and power are not mutually exclusive. If a man is close to Mary, he will grow in gentleness, too. Gentleness is an incredibly important and attractive trait in any guy, especially if he is a husband and father one day!
These five “non-negotiables” can be summarized with the acronym “CHRIST”: Chastity – Holiness – Responsibility and Intentionality –Spirit of Mercy – Theotokos. Guys, as you hone these qualities, you will become more Christ-like yourself! If you work on them passionately and with your whole heart, Catholic ladies are bound to notice!
It takes guts, it takes courage, it takes daring to be a man striving for sanctity today. Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI challenged young people: “Dare to be glowing saints, in whose eyes and hearts the love of Christ beams and who thus bring light to the world.” Keep fighting the good fight and keep igniting that light of Christ within, for all the world to see!