When I was a student at Saint Francis University in Loretto, Pennsylvania, I walked into the quiet chapel one evening just as the sun was beginning to set. I knelt to pray and, after a moment, looked up to see the sun shining through the windows, creating a shadow of the crucifix perfectly reflecting onto the mosaic of the Blessed Mother behind the altar. The cross fell directly over her image- His crucified body perfectly aligned over the mosaic of her countenance.
I remember the awe I felt in that moment. It was a time of suffering in my life, and I felt so clearly that my Blessed Mother knew exactly how I had been feeling in that moment.
Astonished, I began to reflect on Mary’s suffering. She didn’t carry a cross through the dusty streets of Jerusalem. She wasn’t tortured and martyred like almost all of the Apostles whom both she and Jesus had loved so dearly.
And yet, the shadow of the cross rested so clearly on her life.
Mary’s spiritual and emotional cross:
It finally hit me after a few minutes that Mary had, in fact, shared uniquely in her Son’s crucifixion, too.
She did not redeem us, as Christ alone is Redeemer, but she did play a true role in our redemption. She lived this out not only at the foot of the cross but from the very moment of her Fiat, her “yes” to becoming the Mother of God.
From the beginning of her journey with Jesus- the first moments that He was present in her womb- they both were preparing for the ultimate act of love: the crucifixion.
Mary’s was not a physical cross, but an emotional one- but that didn’t make it any less real or painful.
As a young mother, when she and Joseph went to present Jesus at the Temple, an elderly prophet named Simeon told her that “a sword would pierce her heart” (Luke 2:35). At that point, she would have had no idea the suffering that would take place in her son’s life and in her own.
As Jesus grew up, we’re told that “…his mother kept all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:51). From the very beginning, Mary had to choose to trust. She chose to lean in closer to her Son. Mary knows what it’s like to suffer not just for one moment but for a lifetime, and to not fully see or understand God’s plan.
Consider her life as a whole: the uncertainty, fear, or worry that she undoubtedly sometimes encountered. Think about it- a teenage girl having to deliberately choose to trust God when she became pregnant, knowing that she could very easily be killed for something that she did not do- anyone would be at least a little bit afraid.
Later on, she and her husband were forced to flee their hometown to protect their son from death. Years later, she searched for Him in the Temple when He was lost. And even later, she watched as He led a ministry that caused waves in the culture, often leading to high tensions and even danger.
But in all of these trials, Mary trusted. And she felt. She wept. She suffered. She knows what it’s like for us to endure emotional anguish.
Because Mary was born without original sin, she is more perfectly united to Christ than any other human person. Her heart, so close to His own, felt joy and sorrow to the fullest, unmarred by sin.
When she stood at the foot of the cross- as we’re told in the Gospel of John, she must have experienced such intense pain.
“Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother…” (John 19:25).
The pain she felt while standing by the cross was a kind of torture alongside Him. She stood. She suffered with Him.
In a similar way, the closer that we come to Christ, the more deeply we love Him, the more capable we become of uniting our suffering to His own.
Our own emotional suffering:
Many of us carry crosses that others may not be able to see. Mental illness; addiction; anxiety that eats away at our lives; grief that lingers for years; shame that plagues us day after day, or even the pain of watching a loved one suffer.
Fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, grief, and other “negative” emotions are not sinful in themselves, but can lead us to sin if we reject trust in God. It’s how we can sometimes handle those feelings that matters.
No one likes feeling any of those things- but you are not bad for feeling them! Jesus is inviting you to surrender to Him more deeply, and Mary’s suffering shows us how we are called to endure our emotional suffering. We don’t need to run away from it, but instead unite it and ourselves to Christ. Holiness does not equal emotional numbness.
From the cross, Jesus gave His Mother to us. We read in the Gospel of John, “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.” (John 19: 26-27)
Our mother understands our suffering. She knows what it’s like and she wants to bring us to Jesus in those times that we are in pain.
How do we imitate Jesus and Mary in our suffering?
Mary gives us a beautiful example at Calvary.
John 19:25 reads: “Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala.”
Notice that she did not run away from her suffering. She stayed with it- she stayed with Him! And we don’t hear that she tries to stop the crucifixion, or causes a scene, or anything of the sort. She was just with Jesus in His suffering, while enduring what is arguably the most painful thing a mother could ever experience. We can imitate her by staying- accepting where we’re at and staying with Jesus even in the times that we feel too broken or too far beyond repair.
Secondly, Mary shows us that though sorrow and pain are real and will happen, we need not despair. Jesus continuously holds us and invites us to unite our sufferings with His. In our sorrows, we must simply be with Jesus. We can imitate Mary in her trust, even in our moments of emotional suffering by standing spiritually at the foot of the cross, receiving Him wholeheartedly in the Holy Eucharist, and remaining with Him in prayer.
Finally, we must surrender. Give up our understanding, our need for control, and entrust everything to Him.
Praying the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary is a fantastic way to meditate upon this concept. Look at them through her eyes. Imagine what her heart must have experienced witnessing her son in such a state of anguish.
When you are suffering, in pain, or misunderstood, go to Jesus and Mary. They see your pain. They know your suffering. Simply, trust. Sit with Mary at the foot of the Cross, gazing up at your Savior, and leave everything at His feet. She had to surrender everything, giving up any sense of power and control over her life. We are invited to do the same in every moment of suffering.
Look at the cross and see the woman at the bottom. She knows how you’re feeling, and she wants to console you in those times when you’re living in the shadow of your crosses, too.
Grow Closer To Mary: Catholic Books About The Blessed Mother
True Devotion to Mary: with Preparation for Total Consecration
Mary-Virgin, Mother, and Queen: A Bible Study Guide for Catholics
The Life of Mary As Seen By the Mystics
33 Days to Morning Glory: A Do-It-Yourself Retreat In Preparation for Marian Consecration
Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary: Unveiling the Mother of the Messiah
Walking with Mary: A Biblical Journey from Nazareth to the Cross
Behold Your Mother: A Biblical and Historical Defense of the Marian Doctrines
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