For over 20 years, online dating has grown in popularity and is now one of the top ways couples meet. However, some single people, particularly those who are seeking a spouse with strong faith and values, are getting tired of dating apps and trying to meet in person again. Enter Catholic speed dating!
What is speed dating? Why is it on the rise among Catholics right now? Should you try it yourself, or even run your own speed dating event? I’ll answer all that and more in this article.
The Basics Of Catholic Speed Dating
The first documented speed dating event was hosted by a Jewish couple in the 1990s to help Orthodox Jewish young adults meet a spouse of the same religion. Given this, it translates well to Catholics who are serious about finding a spouse of the same faith.
At its core, speed dating is just a way to meet lots of single people of the opposite sex in a short time, then choose which people you’d be interested in for a real date. Participants talk to each attendee of the opposite sex for a few minutes, then everyone moves on to their next partner, and so on. Participants then indicate privately—on paper or via an app—which of their speed dating partners they would want to go on a real first date with, and if there’s mutual interest, contact information is exchanged.
Why Speed Dating Works For Catholics
Done right, speed dating gives you some of the benefits of a dating app, plus the benefits of meeting in real life.
Dating apps let you meet people you wouldn’t encounter in your everyday life, who are signalling (by using the app) that they are single and interested in dating. Similarly, a speed dating event brings together lots of single people who are open to starting relationships.
Also, if you intentionally choose a faith-based dating app or thoughtfully apply some filters, apps allow you to focus on meeting people with whom you have the most important things in common. A speed dating event specifically for Catholics (or at least Christians) provides the same focus.
On the other hand, a matchmaker I know says that there’s a “spark” that often happens between two people meeting in person that is hard to replicate online. Hearing someone laugh or seeing how she interacts with other people in the room usually showcases a person’s genuine attractiveness better than profile photos and awkward text messages.
All this is not to say that you shouldn’t ever use a dating app—I know plenty of people who are married because of them—but you should use them alongside trying to meet eligible single people in person as well. Encounter lots of people, and then let the Holy Spirit nudge you toward the person who’s right for you.
By the way, speed dating can be a lot of fun! Even if you don’t meet your perfect match the first time you try it, you’ll have conversations with new people, practice your social skills, and get to have an evening out. Those are good things, too.
Tips for Success
A few years ago, I founded a Catholic singles’ initiative that held various events, including speed dating. Our first speed dating event led to dozens of dates, several long-term relationships, and at least two marriages… including my own!
Now, as the author of an article about Catholic speed dating ministries and a whole book on Catholic dating, I get lots of questions about how to run a Catholic speed dating event. So, here are my top tips to make your own speed dating event successful.
- Reserve a good space. The fellowship hall at your parish works fine, but you can also consider a pub or brewery, an outdoor pavilion hung with string lights, or some other space that feels fun. If you’re not using a venue that sells food and drinks, ask volunteers to provide some snacks and beverages. Of course, be respectful of all rules of the space, leave it clean and neat, and make sure it’s big enough that participants have enough room to have conversations without being directly shoulder-to-shoulder. (My biggest lesson learned from running my first event: the room gets LOUD quickly when there are over 40 people chatting and laughing close together!)
- Get the word out. The most important ingredient for success is the people! Starting about a month before your event, promote it anywhere the single Catholics in your community will see it. Church bulletins and diocesan young adult newsletters are great places to start, as are any targeted social media pages or groups. Of course, word of mouth is really the best way to advertise! Ask people to RSVP or register in advance to make sure you get a roughly equal number of men and women and that, again, your space won’t get too full.
- Set the right tone. Set the expectation that this event is lighthearted and low-pressure. You can do this through the words and images on your advertisements, a fun playlist in the background as people arrive, etc. Participants will relax and “be themselves” better if they’re thinking, “Whether I get a date or not, I’m going to enjoy my evening.” Ironically, in my experience, people who have this relaxed attitude are more likely to get matches.
Side note: consider writing some fun icebreaker questions on cards and scattering them around the room. This encourages people to talk about a variety of topics, instead of asking, “What do you do for work?” over and over.
- Designate an emcee, if possible. For my first event, I participated while also running the timer, shouting an announcement when it was time to rotate, and making sure everyone rotated in the correct direction. Though it worked out okay that time, I don’t recommend this! It was a bit stressful, and led me to do a poorer job of both running the event and of focusing on my own speed dates. If you can, find someone to run the logistics who doesn’t want to participate but who supports your efforts.
- Choose the right length of time. I chose seven minutes for each speed date, and most participants agreed in post-event surveys that this felt about right. When I participated myself, I found that seven minutes seemed short if the conversation was flowing really well, and seemed long if the conversation was stalling or awkward… which was exactly the kind of information I needed to decide if I would be willing to go on a real date with each guy. Usually, everyone got to meet about 10-12 people for seven minutes each over the course of a two-hour period. (We paused halfway through the speed dates for a 10-15 minute intermission as well.) We also encouraged mingling with anyone in the room before and after the official speed dating part of the event, to make sure everyone made as many connections as possible.
- Have a plan for making matches. It can be as simple as a piece of paper: tell participants to write their own name and email address or phone number at the top and then write a list of hopeful matches underneath! (It helps if you have everyone wear a name tag with their full name. You don’t want any confusion about multiple Marys or Johns!) Participants will need to know where to turn in their papers before leaving. Afterward, you’ll need to go through each paper and match up the people who both wrote each other’s name down, then communicate with them who their matches are and how to contact them. I found this was possible with a couple of helpers and a few hours of free time the morning after the event, but it was a lot of work!
Now, there’s an easier option. A speed dating ministry in Michigan called Hot and Holy has created a basic app that allows participants to get matched automatically, and as of August 2025, they allow other Catholic ministries to use it for free! (If I were running a speed dating event again, I would probably use this.)
- Encourage a “default to yes” mindset. The participants who get the most matches are always the participants who select more people. The leaders of AZ Catholic Speed Dating in Arizona call this “being generous with your yeses.” Remind participants that they’re not committing to marriage; they’re indicating that they would be willing to chat with this person for another hour or two over a drink or ice cream and see if anything romantic blossoms. If you’re thinking “maybe,” default to yes!
Let God Work
Remember, success doesn’t ultimately depend on you. God can choose to use a very simple event to bring two people together whom He wants to introduce. Here in my city, I started with a classroom full of chairs and zero experience in either attending or running speed dating events, but now, babies have been born who wouldn’t have existed without it!
So, if speed dating isn’t already happening for Catholics in your area, consider throwing an event yourself. Ask God if this is His will for you, and if so, ask Him to open the right doors. He can bring together the right people and bring good fruit out of your efforts. Whether or not anyone gets married after your event, you may at least make some friends and share some laughs, and those are good fruits too.
Speed Dating Checklist
- Choose a day and time.
- Reserve a venue.
- Advertise through social media, bulletins, newsletters, and word of mouth, including a way for participants to RSVP.
- Gather volunteers to bring snacks and drinks and help with setup and cleanup.
- Find an emcee and make sure your venue has a microphone. (A bell to ring when it’s time to rotate is also helpful.)
- Plan how you’ll handle matches and gather volunteers to help, if needed.
- Check on the numbers of men and women who have RSVPed so far, and advertise again.
- Get other supplies: name tags and sharpies, cards with icebreaker questions, and paper and pens for matches, if needed.
- Create a fun playlist.
- On the day of, meet with your volunteers, set up the room, and pray for God’s blessing on the event and attendees.
- Enjoy the event itself and default to yes.
- Share matches with participants (if not using an app) and encourage them to go on first dates!
Image: Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash
